just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
