did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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