i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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