We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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