im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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