He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
