I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
