You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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