So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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