you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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