I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
