my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
