Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
