Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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