Pappa wants mamma naked
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
