Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The ass gains better be worth it
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