You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
