She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
