i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
