The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
