idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
