ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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