I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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