Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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