You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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