I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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