I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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