Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
