The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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