Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
