I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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