All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize