Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
