One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize