god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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