I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
