Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize