we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im part way to drunk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
