our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize