Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
