What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
