You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
