Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
