My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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