I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
