textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
