hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
