I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
