Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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