Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
