You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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