Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize