I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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