Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
