I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
