He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
