Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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