do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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