That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
