Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
