We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
