but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
