I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
