She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
