I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
