nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
