So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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