Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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